In the 21st century, middle aged adults can expect to overlap with parents as adult peers for 20 to 40 years.  It is useful to know that the norm of relations between these adult generations is overwhelmingly positive.  In the vast majority of families, the adults get along just fine.  Stories of neglect, conflict, and bad behavior are, in fact, the exception and not the rule.

While there are clearly several issues which can become stressful (especially health and finances) the norm is that all adults involved retain a mature realism about how the real world works, and they cooperate as teammates for the good of the entire family.  There is mutual love, respect, and patience.  They give each other the benefit of the doubt, and they give each other credit for past accomplishments and contributions.

For all, there is an awareness that the human lifespan contains a continuing sequence of challenges, which are opportunities for learning profoundly important life lessons and further developing as a person.  Further, they are all aware that their behavior is forming a legacy, a model, a lesson which younger generations are observing and internalizing.  Therefore, all feel an urge to leave a healthy and altruistic legacy.

Adult children who have unfortunately not been raised in a family like this often consult with Dr. Chafetz.  Their work together focuses on (a) mastering the the unpleasant feelings that arise from relating to their aging parents, and (b) modifying their own responses, so the legacy to their own children will be more constructive.