THE 7 MOST IMPORTANT SKILLS FOR HOLIDAY PARTY GUESTS

As the 2015 holiday season shifts into high gear, now is a good time to review the core strategies you need for ensuring that you and those around you create only good memories this year.  Even if you have never studied etiquette, this summary will equip you will the timeless essentials. 

UNDERLYING PRINCIPLES

The logic of these skills flows from two simple but profound principles. 

First, an invitation is an amazingly generous gift from the host, the gift of the privilege of entering their precious sanctuary, their private domain.  Guests should demonstrate that they appreciate the magnitude of this gift, and not accept the invitation lightly.  Accepting an invitation is your acknowledgement of the host’ hope and trust, or risky leap of faith, that you will be a positive addition to their beloved home, their sacred space, and that your behavior will validate the host’ decision to invest their energy and resources in you.

Second, attending a house party, like every other human interaction, calls for the Golden Rule.  Being just as considerate toward our fellowmen as we hope they will be toward us expresses recognition of our shared humanity.  Spiritually, it reflects one’s faith that all people are the equal creations of a single higher power.  Treating others with respect shows respect for that higher power.

SKILLS THAT EMBODY THE PRINCIPLES

How does one turn these lofty philosophical notions into action, even at a party?  Here are my top seven recommendations.

1. Understand the invitation.  Prior to the event, ask your hosts about the nature of the affair and their expectations of guests. What is the dress code?  Is it pot luck, or can I bring anything?   Will the party include a meal or just light refreshments?  Is it a “come and go” open house (typically with many invitees who each stay briefly), or a more serious affair (for a smaller, more select group of guests who stay longer)?
2. Bring a small gift for the hosts.  Do not show up empty-handed.  Typical examples are a bottle of wine, a small plant or flower arrangement, or an arrangement of fresh or dried fruit.  Present it to your host when you arrive as part of saying hello.  Before you leave the party, be sure to thank the host for including you, but do not mention the gift you brought.
3. Limit your alcohol intake.  On a normal day, my recommended limit is one drink for women and two for men.  At a party, an increase of one may be justifiable.  Alcohol is intoxicating and mind altering.  In small doses, it “lubricates” our pleasure centers.  Excess alcohol leads to poor judgment and impulsive behavior.  Uncouth behavior that embarrasses everyone present is the very worst way to repay your hosts for their hospitality.
4. Listen more than you talk.  In each conversation, ask how the other person is doing in life.  Praise their successes, and sympathize with their difficulties.
5. Be timely. Show up on time, and don’t overstay your welcome.  Respect the stated start and stop times of every event.
6. Curb you appetite.  Have a small snack before leaving home.  Don’t arrive famished.  Wait for others to start eating before you dig in.  Take small portions.  If you are still hungry, take more if it is clearly available.  Leave a bite or two on your plate, but never leave a lot on your plate.
7. Follow up. Promptly send a hand-written thank you note.  This is always a classy touch.  Millennials take note:  If you do not have personalized cards for such a purpose, you are missing an opportunity to distinguish yourself from the crowd.  Get them!

I wish all my readers a wonderful holiday season, and I welcome your comments on this post.