Talk to Dr. Chafetz now : 469-233-5566
Paul K. Chafetz, PhD Clinical Psychology
  • Home
  • Services
  • About
  • Contact
    • Send Dr. Chafetz a Message
    • Contact Information >
      • Office Location
    • Upcoming Events
    • New patient registration forms
    • Site Map
  • Blog
  • Media
    • Speaking Engagements
    • Articles
    • Quizzes
    • Other Media
  • Services
    • Adult Psychology >
      • Midlife Crisis Depression
      • Dealing With Empty Nest Syndrome
      • Adjustment To Retirement
      • Caregiver Support
      • Dealing with Adult Children
      • Dealing with Elderly Parents
      • Dealing With Difficult Relatives
      • Authority and Responsibility in Families
      • Boomerang adult children
      • BOOM: Becoming one's own man
    • Health Psychology >
      • Depression Psychotherapy
      • Anxiety Therapy
      • Insomnia Therapy
      • Chronic Illness Therapy
      • Pain Management Therapy
    • Psychology of Life >
      • Self-Esteem Therapy
      • Stages of Life Psychology
      • Assertiveness Therapy
      • Psychology of Forgiveness
      • Family Psychotherapy
      • Birth Order Psychology
    • Clinical Gero-Psychology >
      • Grief Therapy
      • Dementia Therapy
      • Coping with Senility
    • Forensic Gero-Psychology >
      • Competence to sign a will
      • Contesting a will
      • Guardianship
      • Vulnerability to exploitation
    • Need a speaker?
  • Past Events
  • Home
  • Services
  • About
  • Contact
    • Send Dr. Chafetz a Message
    • Contact Information >
      • Office Location
    • Upcoming Events
    • New patient registration forms
    • Site Map
  • Blog
  • Media
    • Speaking Engagements
    • Articles
    • Quizzes
    • Other Media
  • Services
    • Adult Psychology >
      • Midlife Crisis Depression
      • Dealing With Empty Nest Syndrome
      • Adjustment To Retirement
      • Caregiver Support
      • Dealing with Adult Children
      • Dealing with Elderly Parents
      • Dealing With Difficult Relatives
      • Authority and Responsibility in Families
      • Boomerang adult children
      • BOOM: Becoming one's own man
    • Health Psychology >
      • Depression Psychotherapy
      • Anxiety Therapy
      • Insomnia Therapy
      • Chronic Illness Therapy
      • Pain Management Therapy
    • Psychology of Life >
      • Self-Esteem Therapy
      • Stages of Life Psychology
      • Assertiveness Therapy
      • Psychology of Forgiveness
      • Family Psychotherapy
      • Birth Order Psychology
    • Clinical Gero-Psychology >
      • Grief Therapy
      • Dementia Therapy
      • Coping with Senility
    • Forensic Gero-Psychology >
      • Competence to sign a will
      • Contesting a will
      • Guardianship
      • Vulnerability to exploitation
    • Need a speaker?
  • Past Events
Picture

A MOTHERS DAY THOUGHT

5/10/2017

0 Comments

 
Picture
A Jewish proverb says, “God could not be everywhere, so he made mothers.” Parents turn the raw fruit of their wombs and loins into people. It is indeed creation. Done well, it is God-like. Done poorly, it is not pretty.

​I have seen the full range of quality in mothers.

At one extreme are the heartbreaking depictions of parenting gone wrong, which I hear about in my practice. For example:

“Mother has always been beautiful and wealthy, but unforgiving, unrelentingly demanding, rejecting, consuming, smothering, and angry. She never once told me she loved me. Dad married her for her beauty and learned fast to keep his head down.”

“Mom was impossible. Incredibly selfish and mean, she abused us mentally and physically. She was secretive but expected us to read her mind. We often got the silent treatment, knowing she was unhappy with us but not knowing why or how to fix it. There were frequent spankings. She teased us and would humiliate us in front of others. She had no friends, but ruled our home totally.”

At the other extreme are the many wonderful mothers I have been blessed to observe in my own family and in my circle of friends. These women have been or still are beloved and respected both within and beyond their immediate families for their wisdom, kindness, stability, and hard work.

There is also a middle ground. Children do not need perfect parenting. They just need good-enough parenting. Given the basics, the sufficient minimum, a growing child can finish the job on their own, albeit often with the help of additional adults found along the way.

A 2009 post by Tim Sanford titled The Real Job of Moms on the website, focusonthefamily.com, describes this concept well. I paraphrase it here:

“What is a mom's primary job? The most important assignment a mom has is to nurture her children. This means enabling them to develop fully by pouring life into them. She models joy and passion. Nurturing is filling your child up with aliveness.

A nurturing mom takes time to play, read, and take pictures when the toddler's spaghetti ends up on the head instead of in the mouth. She enters the child's world to see things from his or her perspective. She provides empathetic understanding from a position of strength and support. She finds balance between the healthy desire to give kids freedom and the God-given urge to keep them safe.

Nurturing is not about ‘doing it all’ or doing it perfectly. It's about doing the best you can — without losing yourself or driving yourself crazy. You can't control the results, but you can stir in the right ingredients. You can seek to know your children as individuals, different as they might be, and bring out the best in each.”
​
Happy Mothers Day!
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    My podcasts

    Dr. Chafetz

    “My passion is ensuring that every adult is mentally ready to succeed in all transitions that comprise the adult years.  The meaning in my life comes from helping my patients see themselves, their situation, their future, and the entire world with new eyes and a newly courageous attitude.  
    ​
    My blog is for those wanting to Grow Into It."

    RSS Feed

Phone : 469.233.5566
Email :
PKChafetz@gmail.com
Paul K. Chafetz, PhD: Clinical Psychologist, Psychotherapist
Office Location: 8340 Meadow Rd., #134, Dallas, TX  75231